It Wasn't Your Fault
by CamShaykettAddicted
Summary: Sam had a little accident and Carly is very worried. My first published story. CAM! Don't like, don't read.


**This is my first ever published story.**

**I don't and will never own iCarly. But that doesn't make me love the show any less :)**

She's sitting on the other side of the room. Her room. She's brushing her hair and for some reason, I'm in her bed.

I'm watching her. Brush going from top to bottom through her silk like hair. I've always loved her hair. It's long, dark brown, almost black, and curly. I really love running my fingers through it. When I start, I'm unable to stop. But she never seems to mind.

Then, she stops and puts the brush aside before she turns away from the mirror. Chair spinning a half circle. She has that worried look on her face and it only took her a second to stand up, leave her seat, and make her way to her bed, where I was lying.

I sat up straight but she told me to lie down again, so I did. I always do what she tells me to do. It's what she wants me to do.

She put her hand on my forehead and asked me if I was dizzy. I nodded. I was, also a bit sick.

"But it's okay, Carls," I told her. But I spoke too soon. 'Cause the next second I was puking my guts out. Carly grabbed a bowl she had kept under her bed and gave it to me. She held my hair together and patted my back to keep me calm and let me know she was there and wouldn't go away.

When I was done, she was still worried and mumbled something about me having a concussion. Then, she started crying.

"Carly," I spoke to her with my calmest voice, still feeling sick but better than a few moments earlier. "I mean it, I'm fine. But what happened? Why am I in your bed? And most of all, why is my used ham sandwich covering your blankets?

"Well," Carly started. "We were acting silly because of some reason and you were running after me, trying to catch me, but I didn't let you. So we were running and running and I was running down the stairs with you chasing after me. But then, when we were halfway up, you tripped and fell all the way down and landed on your head," she rambled and took a pause to catch her breath, in order to continue.

"After you fell, I ran back down the stairs as fast as I could and tried to talk to you, but you were unconscious. Then I carried you to the elevator and all the way to my room to lie you in my bed and wait for you to wake up again. I figured you would have a concussion and sadly, you have," she started crying harder. Tears flowing down her cheeks as she tried to talk again.

"And it's all my fault! My stupid fault! You could have died and it would've been my fault!" that was the moment the poor, beautiful girl really broke down. The small streams of emotion, became big rivers that couldn't be stopped. I was in tears, too.

The most painful thing to see, is Carly Shay in any kind of pain. It always breaks my heart.

I lifted the blankets on the clean side, and motioned for her to come lie next to me. She did and I brushed her hair away from her wet eyes.

She was on her side, facing me. Still crying and looking into my eyes. They're just beautiful. Her eyes are also dark brown, like pure chocolate. And always sparkling. I could look at them, and just get lost in them, to never return on my own will. I love them so much, but seeing tears in them, makes my heart melt. In a bad way.

"Cupcake, please listen to me," I whispered to her. She nodded to let me know she did.

"That I fell down the stairs wasn't your fault at all. You can't do anything about it. It was just an accident that could've happened any other time. Even if I wasn't chasing anyone. You know that, Carls?" I asked her, hoping she'd say yes. But she shook her head. She was still blaming herself.

"I should've been more responsible. My dad always told me not to run while using the stairs, but I did. I brought you in danger. So, it's my fault," she kept crying. "It should've been me, not you! I should've been the one falling to death, not you! Then, all my worries would've been over!" she screamed.

I was shocked. Carly wanted to be dead? Why? She's everything I have in life. And why would a person with such a beautiful life want to be dead? And most importantly: what are the worries she's talking about?

"Carly?" I asked carefully. "Why do you want to die? And what do you mean by 'worries'? You can tell me Carls, you know that right? I won't tell anyone."

"I… I know, Sam… but it isn't that easy. Plus, if I'd tell you, you would hate me to death. I just can't risk that by telling you. It would hurt too much," she said in a cracking voice. No, Carly, no. THIS hurts too much. Seeing you like this makes me want to cry even harder and throw up again.

"Nothing you say or do would ever make me hate you. Just think of me as a teddy bear. A cute one. One you can tell everything that's bothering you and can't tell anyone else. It would never tell anyone else because it simply can't. it'll also never run away from you.

I believe I saw her smiling there. That's the Carly I know.

"Okay. I'll try to tell you, teddy Sam. But I meant what I said. You really might hate me afterwards," she dropped her eyes. She really was thinking I would.

"No," I stated. "I won't hate you. I never would. And I meant what I said, too," to show her, I put my arms around her and hugged her. I heard her sigh from relief.

"Alright," she took a pause to swallow and gain confidence. I was stroking her back as she started talking again.

"I… am in love…" she said. I could tell by her body language that she wasn't done talking yet. But when my brain registered what she'd just said, all my thoughts from the past five years came back to me. Every event, from when I first noticed I felt differently about her than I should, flashed by in my head like a movie sped up 1,000 times.

Five years ago was when I first noticed I was crushing on Carly. Okay, crushing isn't the right word. It was more like I had fallen in love with her.

**~ flashback ~**

_I'm sitting at my desk, working on an essay… no, just kidding. I never do schoolwork. Or any type of work at all. So, I'm sitting at my desk, drawing random stuff. I'm not really here with my mind. I'm thinking about things but I don't know what. I know it sounds stupid, but that's just how my mind works. Get used to it._

_I get back from my random thoughts and look at what I've drawn: a monkey with a moustache and a hat, a sad clown, a unicorn without a horn… oh wait… than it's just a horse. Okay… a horse, Freddie who's being cooked by a giant spider and… what's that?_

_That can't be true! I've never thought I… I mean… I draw what I like or what I want to happen… but…_

_Why did I draw Carly and me… in a heart… KISSING!?_

**~ end flashback ~**

Yep. That day was life-changing. After I noticed what I had drawn, I started to panic. It took me an hour to calm down and I started wondering what it meant. It wasn't difficult, of course. I was in love with my best friend.

Day after day, I began to notice more and more, that our relationship wasn't the normal friendship I thought we had. At first, it scared me. It scared me a lot. But then, I realized, things had always been like that. I was less scared, but still a little jumpy whenever she asked me something or touched me. Eventually, that went away, too. But not with my feelings for her.

That was when other things took place. I started dreaming about her. Almost every night. And had the feeling I had to watch myself, 'cause I thought that one time, suddenly, I couldn't handle myself anymore and would kiss her. But, of course, I didn't.

Then, her boyfriends came. I remember Griffin the best. Thanks to him, my Carly dreams had been taken away and got replaced by dreams in which a monster stole my soup. I hated that dream so much! Spencer couldn't figure out what my dream meant, so I went to a real psychologist, and he told me I was afraid that Griffin might take Carly away from me. When those two broke up, I stopped having that dream, so he was probably right.

Or that time Freddie saved her life and they started dating. To me, it was a living hell! First, he saves her and then, they're a couple. I felt so sick the moment that happened. Maybe, if I had been the one to save her, she would've loved me instead of that nerd. And we would never have broken up. Because, what she would've felt for me, was real love. Not the bacon kind of love. Like that nub had with her.

I snapped back to reality when my stream of thoughts had passed by and tried to gather every strong piece in my mind to tell her what I really didn't want to.

"That's amazing Carly!" I said with as much happiness as I could possibly fake. "I'm sure he loves you too. I mean… 'cause… who doesn't lo-" I was cut off.

"With you!" she yelled and started crying harder and harder while covering her eyes.

I was in shock. Literally in shock! Did I hear that right? Did she just say what I had wanted her to say for these five years?

She did.

"I knew it! You're gonna hate me now! I told you! I shouldn't have told you! I'm so stupid! I ha-"

This time, it was _me_ to cut _her_ off.

With my lips…

**Thanks for reading.**

**Like I said, this is my first story. So please go easy on me.**


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